Posted in Guest Writer
Bad Meat (2011)
Bad Meat was originally announced back in 2007 with Wrong Turn director Rob Schmidt at the helm, where he promised this would be the “scariest and goriest movie of his career.” Going off that quote and the plot of a group of teens fending against their crazed cannibalistic camp instructors, I had somewhat high hopes. Unfortunately, the studio that was funding the project went bankrupt 2/3 of the way into shooting, so production froze and remained that way for years. It wasn’t until the young leads started to make a name for themselves on television that it was picked up and “finished” in hopes of capitalizing on these young stars.
You know a movie’s bad when the director himself doesn’t even want anything to do with it, which is clearly the case with Rob Schmidt who uses the pseudonym “Lulu Jarmen” as director for the pic. Sadly, despite going back and tacking on new scenes in hopes of delivering a completed film, it’s still FAR from being a finished product and it definitely shows while watching. Many scenes just don’t make sense or feel incomplete; characters just disappear off screen for several minutes at a time, while others just disappear never to return at all.
So the story follows a random group of supposedly troubled teens, who are sent to a secluded “boot camp” to straighten upand become a positive member of society. While there they meet the overzealous camp counselors who (when not slobbering over each other and wearing bondage outfits while committing various sex acts) spend their time yelling and torturing the teens for no reason whatsoever. Apparently the cook isn’t fond of the counselors either and decides to put together a nice stew of infected meat as his way of revenge before quitting. Whether he knew the meat would turn those who eat it into crazed cannibalistic freaks isn’t clear, but that’s what happens, leaving the teens to fend for themselves.
It’s obvious to me that Bad Meat started production as a bad film and was made even worse by the fact that they ran outta money, because even the scenes that were clearly meant to be in the film were horrible. However, one of the biggest issues is the script, which is just one plot-hole or logical issue after the other. For instance, how could these perverted sex-fiend Nazi-esque group of camp counselors ever get a job working with kids in the first place? or how about a random 3-minute dialogue about underwear between a female camper and a dude locked in a metal box. Seriously, don’t you think you should get the dude out before you have a heart-to-heart with him? But then again, none of this was ever intended to be taken seriously as it was initially meant to be a horror comedy, but the problem is that it’s not even the slightest bit funny!!
Then there’s the promise of loads of vomit and gore–well they got the vomit part right, as there are more than enough scenes of characters lying in their own spew, and even run around the camp covered in it, but the only gore-worthy sequence would be when a silly emo character decides to dissect a dead dog that ate some of the tainted meat. Oh, and the damn flick doesn’t even have a proper conclusion; it just ends! I could go on and on about the endless problems with the film, but I’d rather not waste any more time.
Bad Meat is a movie with seemingly endless problems–the script is horrendous, characters are unlikable and randomly disappear, while many other scenes just don’t make sense whatsoever. This is a flick that obviously started out bad and was made even worse due to circumstance. Either way, it remains as one of the WORST horror films I’ve seen in years. Avoid at all costs!
– Courtesy of UHM