Feb 10, 2010

Posted in 1980s, Guest Writer, Reviewers

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

By Keith~

So its 8pm on a Tuesday night, I tell myself “what the heck”, I’m all caught up on heroes. What do I do? I turn on My Bloody Valentine; I have several problems with this film. We will talk about them a little Later.

The film starts off with the same vibe of being held captive while watching a porno with your uncle (yeah it starts off pretty creepy). 20 years ago in the ridiculous town of Valentine Bluffs (yeah I know valentine bluffs?!). A methane explosion occurred on Valentines Day trapping five minors. With the crew and supervisors leaving early for the town valentines party, there was no one to immediately hear the screams of the other men.
The only survivor was Harry Warden who had been trapped in the mine for six weeks and had to eat his dead co-workers to stay alive. Believed to be mad he was locked away in a mental institution (hey, the brother was trapped in a mine shaft for six weeks, of course he was feeling a little bit peckish, that doesn’t sound crazy at all).
A year goes by and he escapes the mental facility on Valentines Day. I don’t know how he knew it was Valentines Day, I guess he had a calendar or some one sent him some of those hard candies that said “be mine” and he just snapped. At any rate he dresses into his old mining uniform and takes revenge on the people he deems responsible for the explosion.  Fast forward 20 years later, the college kids at Valentines bluffs decide it’s time to have a valentine’s party. They ignore the Sheriff’s request of not having one, and dismiss an Old bartender who warns the kids of the actions that took place 20 years ago. Now my first problem besides the fact that a bunch of Canadians took a calendar and picked out a holiday they figure they could bank on, was the fact that the writers swam in a bunch of coke and came up with a script called Valentines day.

None of the kids are very likable, (to be honest I don’t care if any of these kids die). And it is drenched in CW goodness. (So if you’re into pretty white people with problems, this is your movie). My main problem is that the film tries to be more layered than it really has to be, one minute it wants to be a romantic film, which I understand it’s Valentines Day and all, but it still FAILS!  Next, it wants to be a slasher film and the dialogue made me want to inject myself with enough sugar to put myself in a diabetic coma.

The good thing about My Bloody Valentine is that if you get the unrated cut you can see it in all of its bloody gory goodness, and that alone is worth checking this out, preferably at midnight or while intoxicated.

For more keithisms make sure you check back right here at horrorgoreandmore.com

– By Keith

MY BLOODY VALENTINE

Written by Stephen A. Miller & John Beaird

Directed by George Mihalka

Starring Paul Kelman & Lori Hallier

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Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
My Bloody Valentine (1981), 5.0 out of 5 based on 2 ratings

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